Emotional content warning: baby loss, stillbirth.
I never imagined I'd be writing this post to you, dear subscribers, it's with a tender heart and a quivering lip that I share the news that our baby died, just before his due date, while he was still in my womb.
At my 40 week check-up the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. I was sent for a scan at the hospital and the doctors confirmed "no sign of life". After a ten hour induced labour, with Dan and my Mum by my side, I gave birth to our beautiful, firstborn, stillborn, son, James Riley Hinch, 7lb 1oz, on the 8th August 2021.
We spent time with him, held him, marvelled at his fine features. I was astonished by his beauty and am grateful for the memory of the feeling of his weight in my arms.
After six years of trying and two missed miscarriages, his was a much celebrated pregnancy and I wanted to thank you all for being part of this celebration, I was overwhelmed by the kind comments and messages of encouragement I received from you during my pregnancy this year.
It's hard to write these words, to know what to share with you but it feels unhealthy to keep this news private, stillbirth is a human experience, one that sadly many people suffer and bringing awareness to it through sharing our loss is a small act I can take towards reducing the feelings of isolation, shame and separation that often surround it.
I was shocked to learn that sadly, stillbirth isn't as uncommon as I had expected: 1 in 200 (0.5%)of babies die shortly before, during or shortly after birth. An average of 14 families a day in the UK alone will be suffering this loss.
Tonight, 15th October, marks the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week culminating in the international Wave of Light event where people are invited to light a candle at 7pm local time in memory of all the babies around the world that have sadly died.
If you feel inclined, join me in taking part in the Wave of Light tonight, I'll be lighting a candle and thinking about James and all the babies who have died and their parents, families and friends who live with their loss.